The Modern Mourner

a heart to hold onto

2012-02-07T12:49:00.000-08:00

One of the best ways to honor the memory of someone is by handing out thoughtful tokens at a service. It doesn't have to be anything big or extravagant - just a small item that reminds us of the love we will always harbor in our hearts that person. For me, the best remembrance favors are handmade objects made with love.

That's why I love these crocheted hearts by Cornflower Blue Studio (currently 10 for $6.) They come in a variety of colors, and would be perfect to hand out as a remembrance favor. Delicate and gracious, these hearts symbolize your gratitude for the guests' kindness and charity. And for the recipients, these sweetly crocheted hearts will keep the memory of the loved one alive in their own hearts.

Also, I just have to express my love for Cornflower Blue Studios' hand-embroidered notes. These little quilted messages can be customized, so if you want to send a kind thought to someone in need of it, this would be a very thoughtful and treasured gift!

a new altar

2012-01-15T11:45:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't this DIY lily backdrop make any memorial more gorgeous? I imagine how it would gently sway in the breeze, adding movement and a sense of lightness. Here are the DIY instructions as they appear in Ruffled.

Although this was originally designed by My Hands Made It to be displayed at a wedding, I think it would be a lovely addition to any memorial service. These draped strands of lilies, especially if draped in front of a window or even outdoors, are simply gorgeous as a luminous and ethereal cascade. (For what it's worth, lilies are one of the most traditional memorial flowers, symbolizing the soul's return to innocence.)

As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, I encourage anyone who is faced with planning a memorial service to visit wedding blogs like Ruffled for inspiration. There are so many wonderful (and easy!) ideas that could just as well work for a memorial service. If you think about it, many of the components are the same - guest books, altar, photo displays, flowers, and table centerpieces. Memorials should be just as meaningful and pretty as any wedding!

Why can't memorials be more like weddings?

2012-01-15T11:13:00.000-08:00

Vintage keys as remembrance favors (from Bustled Events)

It's my goal to make death pretty again. And I believe memorials deserve to be as beautifully styled as any wedding. Like a wedding, memorials are ceremonies devoted to love. And love, whether it's earthly or eternal, always merits gorgeous and affectionate design.

Vintage card cabinet and photo display from Martha Stewart Weddings

Of course, the primary reason for the lack of style with memorials is the weight of grief. Who wants to think about design at a time when they can hardly function? So it's my hope to create templates of memorial ideas that can be easily recreated. These services will have many DIY components, which I believe not only makes the memorial more personal, it allows family and friends to contribute in a meaningful way.

Right now I'm working on different themes - vintage, rustic, beach, garden, classic, and neo-Victorian. In time I hope to have photo shoots highlighting each theme, but for now I've been collecting ideas on my Pinterest page. I spend a lot of time on DIY wedding blogs like Forget Me Knot Weddings, 100 Layer Cake and Grey Likes Weddings looking for inspiration, and I encourage others who are planning memorials to check out these sites.

Memorials are all about remembrance, so it's nice to bring in vintage items that are also meaningful - from tea tins to doilies, crockery to cookbooks. Here are just a few display ideas incorporating easy-to-do vintage elements from Ruffled, Bustled Events, and Hazlitt Vintage Rentals:

I hope that we can reinvent how we think of memorials, and treat them with the same love and affection that we do with weddings. Why not?

between here and there

2011-11-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

When someone leaves us, where do they go? What images of this Other Place console us? For me, it's often something that evokes a romantic and wistful journey. That's why I love these enchanting prints by Theater Clouds.

These images (the one above is "Somewhere Between") are actually photos of paper miniature theaters, constructed with care to create a dreamy sense of atmosphere. I find these sailboats comforting, and I wonder if something like this would be much more soothing than the sympathy cards covered with the traditional lilies.

I also adore the lofty sentiments of this balloon.

tender

2011-10-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

Behold the Medium, sterling silver ring and necklace by BloodMilk. These pieces were inspired by Lily Dale, a small town of spiritualists where the living and the departed commune on a daily basis.

Are these the tender and gracious hands of the spiritualist ... or the spirit?

unexpected ghosts

2011-09-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

I love all things lovely, ghostly and ethereal, especially in when encountered unexpected places. These chicken wire figures from Pinterest (via Dudecraft) are absolutely enchanting.

Too often ghosts are either silly or scary. Why can't they always be beautiful like this?

vintage cigar box for photos and flowers

2011-09-06T11:27:00.001-07:00

Can you think of anything more nostalgic, colorful and cheery than vintage cigar boxes? I was so excited to find these at Sunday's Alameda Flea Market, only $20 for the entire batch! The rips and scuffs only add to their well-loved patina of time. Someone cared enough to store these for all these years, and I now hope to give them new life as potential memorial displays.

Vintage cigar boxes are ideal displays for photos, flowers, or both. Especially remembrance services for men, where you don't want to go too frilly with the floral arrangements. I've placed old photos directly inside the box alongside succulents and airplants, but you can use mini clothespins to attach the photos inside the raised lid. These boxes make wonderful centerpieces, or can be the center of attention on a memory table.

urn cozies and vintage books

2011-09-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of new knit urn cozies, which will be available for sale on my soon-to-be-revised website (details soon!) This lovely wine colored cozy is by Andrea Lesley Crochet. Andrea's an amazing Etsy seller well-known for her adorable tea cozies. So while you may not be in the market for an urn cozy at this time, please check out her tea cozies, they'll make the perfect gift sure to help warm up chilly autumn evenings.

The lovely thing about knit urn cozies is that they're simply created to cover the plastic box that most people receive from the funeral home. Whether you're planning to scatter the ashes at a later date, or simply don't know what you want to do just yet, knit cozies like these offer a nice warm, textured alternative to a stark plastic box.

I personally love the way these cozies look with vintage, well-loved books. The knit cozy below is another nice option by The Hat Pit.

One of my goals with this project is to help people find ways to bring urns into their daily lives - so many people I've spoken with don't know what to do with urns they receive, and all too often they end up (guiltily) in the back of a closet. In their attempts to be respectful, traditional urns can unintentionally take on an ominous presence. For me, these knit cozies are a friendly and unassuming alternative. They don't suck the air out of a room the way formal urns can.

I hope others will agree with me!

warmth

2011-06-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

When you think of urns, the words "soft" and "tactile" rarely come to mind. I'm hoping to change that with knit urn cozies. This one is created by Andrea Lesley Crochet, who's well known for her handcrafted tea cozies. Isn't this lovely?

you are loved...

2011-05-09T11:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we all need to be reminded.

Shanna Murray's lovely wall decals provide a sweet way to remember. Alone or adorned with pictures or mementos, these decals can be placed on a window, a wall, or any place that will help brighten your day.

It's funny, I had just been thinking about the symbolism of knots, thanks to Art of Mourning's Symbolism Sundays (one of the highlights of my week):

Let’s take a look at the knot itself. The symbol itself is woven in on itself, enough to consider that two individuals are tying together to establish an interwoven union where two become one in the symbol. Next, there is the understanding of the knot becoming tighter as the two ends become further apart. Once again, distance only makes two people closer through its very nature. The knot also loops around on itself and travels in an eternal twist, for the love between the couple is forever undying. Put all these together and you have a rather special and beautiful symbol, one that encompasses much of the basis of what sentimental jewels are created for.

you will always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me

2011-05-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

You had been part of my life from the beginning ...

and when I lost you, it seemed too soon.

Still, I see your smile everywhere

your love for everyone and everything only made me love you more. It didn't seem fair that such a bright and loving spirit could be taken away from me. I didn't understand.

In time, I came to realize that you're still somehow so close to me ...

through your absence you taught me that a mother's love is eternal and transcendent. And that is the most beautiful love of all.

Mom, I love you so much.

Shirley

Sentimental Repurposing: Books

2011-04-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of repurposing, especially if it's sentimental. My grandfather was a great reader, I have many fond memories of browsing the wall of books at his lakehouse. When he passed away, I held onto a few books that either held memories, or were especially beautiful. The rest, I believe, were sold at the estate sale.

Now I wish I had held onto all of them, so that they could've been transformed into something amazing like this Book Rug by Pamela Paulsrud (via Recyclart). How awesome is this?

What do you do with the uncovered books once the spine's been removed? Something simple like Restoration Hardware's uncovered book bundles would be a very easy DIY project. These books sans spines are wrapped with twine, the warmth of the pages adding texture to any shelf. Very nice indeed!

all because ...

2011-04-06T14:18:00.000-07:00

I'm inspired by this picture garland, created by Pearl at Vintage Pretty - what a charming way to keep the ones we love close to our hearts at all times. Pearl used a popsicle stick to rub the vinyl lettering onto the walls, creating a meaningful and lovely message. She attached the photos to string with mini clothespins, held in place on the wall with screw loops. Gorgeous!

an urn made of summer skies

2011-04-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

In memory of someone dear, textile artist Patricia Bown has created this lovely knit urn cozy. With a deep blue base reminiscent of summer skies, crocheted flowers and butterflies skim the top, adding an element of light-heartedness.

Along the side of the cozy Patricia chose the favorite colors of her beloved. These colorful stripes remind me of a layer cake made from spring days.

It's very challenging to bring light and cheer to an urn, and Patricia's piece is a wonderful example of the possibilities. Her work is inspired by nature and the sea, and I'm especially fond of this sea urchin collection:

everything sounds better on a doille

2011-03-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

Such sweet words, made even sweeter with this handcut doille by CrystalT, who takes custom orders. Turn your words of encouragement into something that can be framed (or at least beautify a comforting cup of tea.)

fragile as leaves in fall

2011-03-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

I've been scanning pictures from my family photo album, and I find myself charmed by the actual photos themselves - the faded borders, folded corners, even the yellowed glue on the back. With everything now digitized, we're losing the presence that actual photographs have - instead of being objects to hold, they're now only images to observe. What can be done?

Luckily, I came across these fabric brooches and necklaces via Poppytalk and was instantly smitten. And you can see why! Created by jewelry designer and stylist Miranda van Dijk at Puur Anders in the Netherlands, these leaves are created by imprinting digitized images on unbleached cotton. Their tactile, faded quality is part of their charm - they remind me of sentimental flowers pressed in old book. Fragile yet precious.

Although these pieces are part of a collection called "Hidden Memories", Miranda is also taking custom orders. These would make a thoughtful gift, especially for Mother's Day!

ammo urn

2011-03-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

Just had to share this vintage ammo box I bought on Etsy, which I believe will make the perfect readymade urn. I love the bright red paint and the little "bomb" on the side. What do you think? It's gotta be perfect for somebody, right ... ?

random acts of remembrance

2011-02-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

I honestly don't know how graveyards came to be perceived as places to dread. My neighbor recently buried his mother in a nearby cemetery, and in my opinion he summed it up perfectly when he said that cemeteries are places filled with love. Everybody there was cherished by their family, with hopes that their memory will live on.

These Memento Mori pieces by Lady Lavona capture that sense of magical remembrance. Each tintype is a portrait of a different person. Who were they? How were they remembered by the ones who loved them? And how does our looking at these portraits - remembering them even though we've never met them - bestow upon them a certain immortality? Are they thankful to be remembered?

When this you see

2011-02-04T16:26:00.000-08:00

After being inspired by 19th century memorial needlework, I asked Jessica Marquez of Miniature Rhino to create a special needlepoint. I already have a couple of her needlework constellations, which I adore.

And here's what she did! Don't you agree that the vintage-inspired stitching is absolutely gorgeous? Look at the detail of the flowers:

This piece is so sweet and versatile, with enough space for a special memento between the phrases Remember me/When this you see. Jessica included some thread for sewing on small tokens. Here's the needlepoint with a lock of my grandmother's hair:

And here it is with the Order of the Eastern Star pendant that belonged to my great-grandmother:

And finally, a sprig of lavender that my mother gave to me:

This sentimental needlepoint is handmade, and can be passed on between generations, giving us a lovely opportunity to remember those we love every time we see it. It also would make an awesome gift. Thanks Jessica!

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not the stars

2011-02-01T10:38:00.000-08:00

For me, when it comes to words of comfort, packaging is everything. I love the toughness of this distressed wood plaque, available at Patina. The nice thing about these plaques (there are lots) is that they become design elements in their own right. The words almost become secondary to the composition, so the message is there waiting for you when you choose to read it.

What I remembered about you

2011-01-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

Of all the endangered species, I'm campaigning to save the written word. It's an increasingly rare thing of beauty, and holds much more meaning than helvetica or ariel ever can. And that includes Braille - physically touching words seems like the most intimate way to communicate. Here's a letter from my blind aunt, written to me when I was a child. (The fact that my grandmother wrote the "interpretation" is a bonus.) I took advantage of January's grazing light to take some pics - behold the beauty of the raised dots, like little pearls on paper.

(Speaking of vintage paper, my friend Ashlee Temple made me this lovely gift, an antique library card drawer filled with sheets from a vintage book. I've been tempted to pull out the sheets and try to read them, but they are much more lovely this way, don't you think?)

As communications become increasingly digitized, here's an option to keep in mind - Juliet's Quill can take any recipe and transform it into calligraphic cards, or even a decorative dish towel. As mothers and grandmothers around the world take up Facebook for posting their recipes, this handmade artistry's a lovely way to preserve the love behind the words.

swim with me my sister, when I die

2010-12-04T11:02:00.000-08:00

How many songs can you think of that explore the mystery of death with beauty and grace? I can think of only one artist, the insanely talented Antony Hegarty.

Antony and the Johnsons' new album, Swanlights, is my new favorite. The lyrics are so sweet and earnest. Neither heaven nor hell, just a hopeful song that kindred spirits will find one another in the next world, and that looking upon one another's faces is all we'll need.

What about you? Have you thought of what song you'd like for your own service?

new urn cozy!

2010-11-23T12:44:00.000-08:00

Here's another gorgeous urn cozy by Pondhopper. This is my third one, and there will be four more unique designs on the way. These cozies are designed to cover the plastic boxes that store ashes, and I think they're a lovely alternative to what's out there. If you choose to scatter the ashes, these cozies can be used to store mementoes.

This one is made from antique upholstery. I love the gently worn fabric. And the details are amazing. It has a vintage feel, and for me reflects the beauty of a life well lived, and a memory well cherished.

Here's the first urn cozy that Pondhopper made for me:

In this Modern Mourner project, these urn cozies truly capture the sentiment of how I feel about mourning. Pondhopper's cozies are handmade, and unlike anything out there. The cozy above contains my mother's ashes, and it sits on my shelf in my living room. I feel as if my mother is nearby, and the beauty of this design captures my sentiments - the affection and love I feel when I think of her. I truly hope this idea catches on. I am so thankful for Lorraine at Pondhopper for making these for me, and understanding the significance of honoring those we've loved and lost. They are still part of our lives, and always will be. They deserve something beautiful.

Haunt me, then!

2010-11-16T11:17:00.000-08:00

It's November. When the wind howls and the landscape grows forlorn, I turn to my favorite book, Wuthering Heights. All those things we're supposed to fear - chilled isolation, feverish dreams, even loss of a beloved - suddenly become romantic to me. Death cannot stop true love.

Here are a few Wuthering Heights finds ...

Sand Evening Regency Dress by Cream Cake Costumes, perfect for wandering the windy moors.

Vintage Wuthering Heights Confetti, by ddeforest

Wuthering Heights Family Tree by Lizzy Stewart.

For me, ghosts are a measurement of our loss. When we haven't lost anyone, ghosts are scary, something to be feared. But when we've lost someone we truly love, suddenly ghosts become a fantasy, a forlorn hope of one last encounter. The best ghost stories, in my opinion, are love stories.

when vintage attacks!

2010-11-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

I'm devoted to sentimental items that can be repurposed. Those small, everyday things we take for granted and ultimately become invisible, yet play a big role in our lives. Don't throw them away, make something meaningful. Monty Monty not only repurposes everyday vintage items, he reinvents them.

I first saw Monty Monty's work at the 2010 Handcar Regatta, and just discovered this new round of amazing assemblages from the show "Dangerous Toys and Other Forgotten Oddities" at the Quicksilver Mining Company in Northern California, on display through November 14th. I love the mix of domestic and the dangerous here - knives become toys, and toys become dangerous objects. An unexpected mix of menace and memory.

Below is Matt's Heartley, one of Monty Monty's memorial sculptures. An assemblage of many unexpected yet meaningful objects, some that belonged to the deceased, including his graduation ring. And of course, there's a "heart of gold" right in the center.

Monty Monty is available for commissioned work, please take a look here if you're interested. Here's the artist at the 2009 Handcar Regatta.

the beautiful reach

2010-10-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

As a child I loved the Ouija board, but mostly for thrills during sleepovers. But as I've grown older I've come to realize the beauty of the board and planchette, and how it was once an earnest oracle to communicate with lost loved ones. I think of the mourning, the grieving, the lovelorn, and suddenly the Ouija is a beautiful symbol of eternal love.

Bloodmilk's plancette pieces (at least for me) convey that sense of loss and love. They are modern mourning jewelry, both symbolic and aesthetic.

I'm also intrigued with this Victorian funerary piece, recast as a dramatic ring. Made of oxidized sterling silver, this "Our Darling" emblem is gorgeously embellished, a stark contrast to the planchette, but just as captivating.

And a final piece - this reliquary locket, created from repurposed rosary beads and a beautiful brass heart locket, connected by a silver seven sorrows rosary connector.

Bloodmilk's jewelry can be worn for its dramatic style. Or these pieces can act as signifiers, letting others know of your longing to reconnect with someone you've lost.

R.I.P. Don Draper

2010-10-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

As I mourn the end of Mad Men Season Four, I ponder what would Don Draper do with his ashes. I think he'd go for something simple yet elegant. Something like this:

Although it looks mid-century, this modernist urn is contemporary, and can be purchased at Portland Natural Caskets. Made from salvaged Oregon grown Walnut and FSC Certified maple, this urn would fit in with any modernist decor. It has all the beauty of a mid century sideboard, but measures only 16"(w) x 6"(h) x 7"(d). Unlike most urns, this one provides space for displaying personal mementos, even a highball (or two). I've never seen anything like it, and I think it's seriously gorgeous.

And Peggy Olson? I hate to even think of her demise. But when her time comes, I think she'd prefer something a little more artistic, like this Rosenthal Netter Italy Pottery urn set (thanks Vintage + Goodness = Happiness).

And Joan? I see her in something like this gorgeous yet bold Raymor Pedestal Vase, offered by Cammoo.
Of course, I'm not here to plot the demise of my favorite television characters. I'm inspired by the Modernist design renaissance ignited by this show, yet surprised there are so few options when it comes to memorials and urns. We think about how we live, but not how we die - why not do it in style? I'm especially thankful to Portland Natural Casket Company for their innovative designs, and plan to post more on them soon.

could these be urns?

2010-10-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

Help!

I'm looking for fabricators to turn items like these into repurposed urns. These pics came from a recent visit to the Rose Bowl Flea Market, and are just a small example of items that could possibly be repurposed into urns. I realize some of these items might be impractical, but with a little imagination and ingenuity others could work. I'm personally excited for a punch clock urn : )

Here are the standard urn requirements: 1) must hold 200-250 cubic inches, which comes out to about 6 pounds; 2) must be air and water tight; 3) if it's opened widely, it should be lined and perhaps padded. I'm looking for a fabricator who can work with wood, metal, or both. The item can either retain its original look, or there could be a few artistic flourishes.

Please contact me if you're interested in working with me on this at shirley@modernmourner.com. Although I don't have these exact items, these pics should give you an idea of how wide the concept of an urn can be. Thanks to all!

Lunch boxes could easily work, especially the larger sizes.

A jewelry box like this could be hollowed out beneath, and the top could be used to keep personal mementos.

For the guys, a sturdy, well-worn tool box.

This globe is kind of beat up, but there might be other sturdier versions.

Awesome ammo boxes!
Going somewhere?

Modern Relics by Alix Bluh

2010-10-16T19:13:00.001-07:00

Like a grieving goldilocks, I've been searching for the perfect mourning jewelry. Not too goth, not too sweet. Not too retro, not too trendy. Modern Relics, a line of jewelry created by Alix Bluh, is right on cue - timeless yet modern, and always gorgeous. Her handcrafted necklaces, rings and bracelets feature memorial icons like hearts, anchors and skulls. I'm especially intrigued with her reliquary glass pods, which lend their contents an aura that's both precious and mysterious.

This Eyeris necklace below has a talismanic quality, yet it's also reminiscent of miniature eye portraits that began in the 18th century. Whether it was a deposed king or a forbidden lover, miniature eyes were a way to keep a secret portrait close to one's heart without causing scandal. So romantic and intriguing! (Thanks to Hayden Peters at Art of Mourning for this excellent blog entry on the subject.)

But my favorite piece? This commissioned mourning necklace for a cat who passed away. It's powerful, talismanic, and reminds me of a religious relic.

If you live in San Francisco, reward yourself with a visit to Alix's Modern Relics atelier near the De Young Museum and Academy of Sciences. Her store features lots of beautiful pieces, including the gorgeous work of ceramicist Diana Fayt. In the meantime, please take a look at my interview with Alix!

my own memento mori

2010-09-18T16:50:00.000-07:00

I like the idea of knowing where I'm going, so I commissioned my own urn cover from Pondhopper. It's based on Victorian mourning dress, with all of the brimming bustle and prim lace. It's made with raw unlined black silk, lined with white lace, with a bustle-like top and vintage black buttons. I love the way it's both billowing over yet buttoned down - it very much suits me. Words cannot describe how much I adore this piece!

I plan to keep my most precious personal possessions in it for now, and when my time comes my ashes can kept sheltered in this most stylish cover. If my ashes are scattered at some point, I hope this wrap can be used to store meaningful mementos.

Everyone should have their own memento mori (Alexander McQueen skull scarves don't count.) We mention in passing that we'd like our ashes scattered, but truly never give it much thought. Contemplating and planning for our own death ultimately makes life more meaningful. Take a moment, and if you are so inclined, order your own urn cover from Pondhopper today. She will make you something beautiful and personal.

it matters how you scatter

2010-09-15T18:24:00.000-07:00

Scattering ashes can be a dicey endeavor. After suffering the grief of losing someone we love, we mistakenly believe the universe owes us a poetic moment where everything goes right. We picture ourselves on a beautiful cliff by the sea, where after a few profound words the ashes simply flow away, dissolving into sea and wind.

But it rarely works out as imagined. Ashes can pour out in a clumsy, undignified manner. Urns can slip. And as we've seen in The Big Lebowski, the wind does not always cooperate.

Other times, good intentions (literally) fly out the window:

Before this happens to you, please take a look at Scattering Ashes, a site solely devoted to the art of scattering ashes (hence the name). From the practical to the poetic, everything is addressed here. This site provides a bevy of options, from hot air balloons to fireworks. I personally prefer a more intimate ceremony - ringing ashes at the base of a beautiful tree, or digging and decorating a trench in the sand before the tide comes in strikes me as a lovely way to say goodbye.

But my favorite? The Viking Boat. The ashes are set inside a model ship, then set on fire as it floats off into the sea. Very poetic, a hero's send-off indeed.

seeds of sympathy

2010-09-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

I have mixed feelings about sending flowers.

I love flowers, I even worked at a florist while at college and absolutely adored being surrounded by their beauty and fragrance. But when the blooms inevitably begin to die, it's a heartbreaking reminder of the fragility and loss of life. Sigh. Perhaps not the best statement for someone who's grieving. So I've been looking for alternatives to flowers. Lil Tin Purse offers a perfect solution, sympathy wreaths made out of birdseed.

Straight from Lancaster, Kentucky, these sympathy wreaths attract and feed songbirds, a precious reminder that life goes on. Lil Tin Purse also offers sympathy seed hearts. They're packaged with care, a personalized note can be included, and best of all, a generous portion of the proceeds goes to the Humane Society.

I'll fly away

2010-08-31T21:41:00.000-07:00

How do we remember those we've lost? How can we hold on to our memories and keep them close? One of the most tangible items - and ironically the quickest to be discarded - is clothing. Instead of donating the clothes of one who has passed on, keep a few items and have them transformed into something special that can shared with friends and family. And nothing is more perfect than a flock of birds - these creatures both unite those who need comfort, and remind us that our loved one has simply taken flight to a better place.

These birds, made from repurposed clothing, will bring comfort and peace to those who grieve. A colorful coat, a plaid shirt, any clothing item can be reborn as a flock of friendly birds to be shared among friends and family. A great example of this concept are these Springtime Birds by While She Naps at Etsy.

Ann Wood Handmade also has some adorable repurposed birds:

I'm not sure if these vendors are currently taking custom orders, but I'll keep looking until I find someone who does. (Please email me if this is something you're interested in, and I'll do my best to find a resource.) I think these birds provide a loving and meaningful memento, and remind us that sometimes one must fly away to truly find peace.

remember me by the sea

2010-08-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

At the beach yesterday I wrote some of my favorite Victorian remembrance phrases in the sand. Usually these phrases appear on something permanent like jewelry, an engraved plaque or a tombstone. So I thought it'd be fun to scribble them at the edge of the incoming tide, not a place known for its permanence.

The fleeting nature of these words by the water made these affectionate phrases all the more meaningful. Here I am watching people check out at what I had written.

I got the best reaction ever! I had written "Remember Me" in the sand, then walked along the beach. I passed an elderly couple, and after a bit I turned to see if they saw my writing. Not only had they noticed it, they had stopped to write something more - they were smiling all the while and even took a picture. When I returned, they had written:

Gone But Not Forgotten

E + G

48 years

I have no idea what this means, but it made my day. Alas, when I came back with my camera, the words had already been washed away. That's what you get for writing stuff on the beach.

The sentimental can be found in the every day

2010-08-11T14:32:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I'm very sentimental when it comes to coffee mugs. In the morning when I'm choosing my mug, I sometimes think the day's fortune will be determined by the mood of the mug - the cheap coffee cup from our Kauai trip means I'll have a relaxing, laid-back day, while the mug that belonged to my mother means she'll be looking out for me. I choose this one when I need an extra boost of love. And God forbid if I should break a mug! I think I would cry for days.

It's time to recognize the inherent sentimentality of the everyday coffee mug, and make sure our cupboards are filled with beautiful cups. If you know someone who is going through a tough time, a well-intentioned mug with a cheerful or comforting thought might be the perfect sympathy gift. I love these mugs from Brookish:

Brookish is a Jane Austen fan (as am I!) In the words of Captain Wentworth in Jane Austen's Persuasion, Half Agony Half Hope captures that sentiment of being separated from the one you love. Despite the agony, there is always hope. My personal favorite is the Mr. Darcy's proposal mug:

And there is always the option to customize your mug with your own words of comfort.

Thank you, Deliasthompson, for this lovely link!

beautiful urn cover

2010-07-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

I am so amazed at the beauty of this piece by Pondhopper Studio! It's a one-of-a-kind, hand-sewn urn cover, commissioned by me. This is a unique concept, and I hope that Pondhopper's covers will catch on quickly and become another option for keeping a loved one cozy and close to home.

For me, it began when I picked up my mother's ashes at the funeral home, just days after her service. They handed me a plastic box, similar in size to a shoe box. I didn't quite know what to do next nothing felt emotionally right. The urns I had seen did not look like anything I wanted to display. And to be honest, I wasn't ready to take her ashes out of the box. So I displayed the plastic box in the bookshelf for a while. Later I knit an urn cozy to wrap around the box, but my knitting skills are rudimentary at best. While it was the gesture that mattered, I still hoped to find something that perfectly suited my sentimental memories of her.

I came across Lorraine's Pondhopper Studio shop on Etsy last year, and was blown away by the beauty of her repurposed sewn creations - from skirts to spats, dresses to wraps. When I approached her about possibly making an urn cover, she immediately understood the concept. We both believe in repurposing sentimental items, and it was a perfect fit. I cannot believe how lovely this cover is, just look at the amazing detail!

I'm very excited to announce that Pondhopper Studio now has a Modern Mourner section in the Etsy shop, and I'll be featuring a link to Lorraine's work on my upcoming website. I think this is the beginning of an amazing new product. Whether you plan on scattering a loved one's ashes and want something beautiful to carry them in, or if you'd like to keep them close to home, Pondhopper's repurposed urn covers are a simply stunning and original concept. Each cover is lovingly handmade, and can be personalized with your own sentimental remnants.

I've even ordered one for myself, loosely based on Victorian mourning clothing. I see it as a personal memento mori that will lovely to look at. I'll be sure to post pictures when it's complete. In the meantime, check out Pondhopper Studio's blog.

flea market find

2010-07-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

I was very excited to find these modest remembrance needlepoint samplers at the Alameda Flea Market last week. Perhaps I'm looking in the wrong places, but finding remembrance or mourning items in California is rare. Did we leave our mourning skills behind when we migrated west? I was also thrilled that they cost only $10 each. What a deal!

My first impulse was to change the frames, but on closer look I realized the framing itself is fairly old - a Ben Franklin Crafts store purchase from the 50's or 60's. I imagine someone inherited these samplers several years ago, and lovingly framed them as part of their personal history. Even though the framing's not my taste, I have to respect they are part of the heritage and leave them be.

Speaking of personal history, I also spent the weekend in our loft going through old photo albums, looking for pictures of my dad for his upcoming memoir, "Confessions of a Horseshoer", to be published by a university press. I'm so proud of him! He's led an amazing life and continues to inspire me everyday. My favorite cat Gentle Henry kept me company, and by the looks of it got a little bored with the process.

You are as pure beside me

2010-06-28T21:37:00.000-07:00

Here's a lovely little remembrance bracelet by Brass Isaac. I like the way the words are separated yet together, seems poetic and fitting.

These are shrinky dinks, by the way, and can be custom ordered with any kind words you prefer.

Vintage Funeral Chair

2010-06-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

I love the stoic nature of this vintage French funeral chair, offered by Hindsvik on Etsy. So practical and modest and rustic. Most vintage furniture evokes a narrative for me, and with this folding chair I wonder how much grief this fragile chair has beared over the years. I think of all the people who must have taken a seat here at one point, and wonder what they were thinking. It seems like an extra chair, stacked in the corner for those who arrive late. Perhaps delayed in the rain, or ambivalent about attending the service, or kindly giving up their more stable seat to someone who needs it.

Modern Hairwork Jewelry

2010-05-01T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hair is a funny thing, it's almost imbued with talismanic powers. To keep a lock of someone's hair is to feel their presence close by. The Victorians used to exchange locks of hair as tokens of affection, a ritual that I regret has been lost. But perhaps not for long.

Stella Saves the Day is creating lovely little lockets made from hair. I love them because the hair is discreet, and looks more like delicate needlework. She's also creating needlepoint based on traditional Victorian hair work as seen below. For more information, please visit her lovely new blog.

Family Tree

2010-04-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

Although this blog is about mourning, it's also about remembering. Time eventually separates us all, but there are ways to keep the sentiments alive and part of our daily lives.

Soul Peaces creates some gorgeous custom lockets that allow you to turn your precious family photos into keepsake jewelry. These handcrafted pieces are both delicate yet rough, modern yet antiquated. They're made from a variety of materials, from recycled sterling silver and brass to semi-precious gems - even unexpected yet completely appropriate materials like worn leather in this photo book below:

I also adore this Family Tree piece, a silver branch with leaves to represent each member. What a charming way to keep your family close to your heart!

My Boy Builds Coffins

2010-04-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

Coffins should be made by someone who respects the process. They should not be anonymous nor mass produced.

I love Simple Pine Boxes, a blog by a "box maker" who promotes the concept of honestly, simplicity and connection.

Change Is in The Air!

2010-04-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

Sally the Mod Baby Chick by Lizix26

Apologies for the recent decline in posts. I've been working on converting this blog into a website, and I'm very excited about it.

I began this blog with the hopes of highlighting ways to remember that are both traditional and modern. As a culture, it seems we've lost our way when it comes to honoring our loved ones. I love the sentiments of Victorian mourning culture, but today those rituals are no longer truly authentic to who we are today. It's time to reconsider how we remember, and approach the subject with love and joy.

The Modern Mourner website will feature artists and crafters who can help us reconnect with those we've lost. The Modern Mourner is also a celebration of sentimentality, and cherishing those items we have today. We live in a disposable culture, and I hope that we can learn to repurpose everyday items into meaningful objects of remembrance - discarded T-shirts can become a quilt; a man's dress shirt can be transformed into a dress for a young girl; a box of old costume jewelry can be reimagined into something unique and contemporary.

The Modern Mourner website will offer services for those who'd like to transform their inherited items into handmade, precious mementos. We'll also have a section for Sympathy Gifts, as well as options for those currently experiencing loss. In the year that I've had this blog, it's apparent that there's a great need for alternatives to what's out there.

Above all I'd like offer my gratitude to all the artists I've featured over this last year - their work has inspired me, and I hope to pass it on and make it accessible. Please keep posted for more details soon!

Repurposed Bouquets

2010-03-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

Paxton Gate, one of my favorite stores in SF stores, is now offering floral design.
I particularly like this found object arrangement. Flowers are so fragile and ephemeral, seeing them juxtaposed with something so sturdy is positively poetic.

Missing Pieces

2010-03-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

Losing someone close is like losing a piece of yourself. That's why I love these wood and sterling Puzzle Piece Necklaces by Studio AMF. A modern twist on the traditional mourning jewelry. These are beautiful pieces in their own right, mourning or not.

For me, these necklaces embody a poetic interpretation of this Victorian mourning pendant, with its more literal sentiment Heaven Has in Store What Thou Has Lost, as featured on the wonderful website Things Gone By.

Heritage Clothing

2010-02-23T12:08:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite upcycling concepts is taking inherited clothing and making something new. When my grandmother passed away I kept a grocery bag full of her clothing - I couldn't bear to part with something that held so many memories. But I couldn't exactly wear the clothing as it was. I wish I had thought to take her clothing and have something special made from them.

I am currently looking for vendors who would be available to take inherited clothing and create something new. In the meantime, here are some lovely upcycled creations from pondhopper studio. I love the dresses and coats:

But I especially love the legwarmers and spats!

Mourning McQueen

2010-02-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

Who else made memento mori so stylish?

With his skull-adorned scarves and jewelry, Alexander McQueen reminded us that fashion is pure vanitas - a temporal luxury soon to pass. Like life, fashion is fleeting. In time, youth, beauty and wealth will abandon us. Only death waits for us in the end. For most of us, skulls evoked some kind of biker chic, a toughness that gave any outfit an edge. But for McQueen, there was nothing ironic about skulls on clothing. With him, it was always a grim memento mori disguised as style.

I am terribly saddened by McQueen's death, and particularly by the circumstances of it. His grief could not be sustained - even before his mother's death. His work seeped with grief. He was caught in a continuous Danse Macabre, yet through some strange alchemy turned the concept of decay into something beautiful and elegant. I will miss him.

This hologram of Kate Moss is so ethereal and angelic, perhaps McQueen's concept of what remains when all else is gone. I hope he has met his angels.

The Oak Sleeps in the Acorn

2010-02-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

Amigurumi acorns at PlanetJune

"The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities." - James Allen

If I had to choose a modern symbol of hope in the midst of loss, it would be the acorn. Fallen from a great oak, the acorn seems so small and insignificant. Yet it holds so much promise. When we lose someone, it indeed feels like everything is lost. Yet somewhere in the ruins there's a seed for a new beginning. We may not understand it, but I'm pretty sure it's there.

That's why I like the Acorn Urn by AKRA. Made from compressed recycled paper, these hand-finished urns are hardy above ground, yet biodegradable if you choose to "plant" them. In an age when most urns try to impart permanence with marble and stone, these lovely urns are humble in both design and destiny.

Time Flies

2010-02-08T16:01:00.000-08:00

Here's a modern memento mori necklace by Butch's Baubles. Clocks have long been a symbol of our fleeting mortality, and this timepiece pendant, along with the hearse and wing (time flies) will remind us that life is indeed short and precious.

Until Death

2010-02-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

With Valentine's Day only a couple of weeks away, here's a little memento mori for those in love. A customized Hasta La Muerte magnet by creativitylzette.

Weeping Willows

2010-01-28T08:01:00.000-08:00

Weeping Willow sympathy card by Anemone Letterpress

We grew up with a weeping willow in our backyard. I loved getting tangled in the low-hanging branches, I would hide beneath it, and wrap myself up in the green tendrils, making it almost impossible to escape. I've since learned that the weeping willow was a Victorian symbol for mourning.

Here's a few contemporary versions of the weeping willow. First, an organic cotton weeping willow pillow by Enhabitan:

Weeping Willow Hand Dyed Batik Infant T-Shirt by Potomac River Goods:

Weeping Willow Rubber Stamp by Wood Cellar Graphics:

Memory Locket

2010-01-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

Here's a sweet heart to keep close to your own heart. This daisy heart locket by Lanyapi Designs is made with antiqued brass, and opens up to keep a beloved picture inside.

For men who mourn, here's a keychain with a heart and wrench. It's called Love Takes Work, and I think it can also be appropriate as a symbol for a heart that's in need of mending.

Repurposed Sweaters

2010-01-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

The ability to transform sentimental old knits into something meaningful is a wonderful solution for inherited clothing. There are many options - aprons, quilts, floor rugs. If you can't do it yourself, Reknit can transform an old sweater into something fun, like a scarf (each month a new item is offered.)

But what about the pets in our lives? Why not give your pet something to remember a loved one by? I came across this repurposed sweater/pet pillow on Keetsa.com. If your grandfather has passed away, leaving behind a beloved dog, I'm sure the pet would love to have a pillow made from his old cardigans. What a lovely source of comfort!

Embroidered Linens

2010-01-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Artist Joetta Maue takes old linens and embroiders messages directly onto them, imbuing these sentimental yet discarded items with new emotional meaning. I love her work!

Modern Memento Mori: Sugar Skull Laptop Decal

2010-01-18T08:01:00.000-08:00

Every morning I sit down with my laptop. When I open it, I'm suddenly engaged in a world of obligation and distraction. News, work, email from friends, blogs, on and on. But what if before letting all this in I took a moment to remember that all this shall pass? What's important, and what's just noise?

Here's a little memento mori to go with your morning coffee. This Sugar Skull Laptop Decal by Beepart comes in many colors, and makes any laptop a work of remembrance art.

Memory of Friends

2010-01-11T15:51:00.000-08:00

I love vintage embroidery, and I especially adore remembrance embroideries. This 19th century memory quilt offered by Linen Closet is very sweet. According to the sellers, women would each contribute a piece of fabric to make one quilt as a symbol of their friendship. The different fabrics, colors and textures, each contributed by a different person, come together to make a unique pattern.

The one below has a sweet adage embroidered in the center, "Good Deeds Will Be Rewarded".

bound by love

2010-01-06T13:37:00.000-08:00

Memorial services are about expressing love.

Like a wedding, we gather to declare our love, respect and honor. But instead of witnessing the love of two who are wed, we witness the encompassing love of friends, family, and all those whose lives were touched by the one gone before. Instead of till death do us part, we find out our love means death cannot make us part.

And we realize that our love is like a giant puzzle - all the little pieces come together to create an amazing portrait. I've been thinking about how best to capture this multi-faceted love. A book like this one by Quotes and Notes is a good way to gather collective memories. Divided into separate note cards, everyone can write a thoughtful note or memory. The fact that they are not bound like a book makes them more fluid - they can be spread out, flipped through, organized in any fashion that's meaningful.

I also love the simplicity and lack of frills with this design. Lovely.

Vintage Mourning Cards

2009-12-18T09:45:00.000-08:00

I mourn the loss of traditional mourning cards! We have mastered the art of the sympathy card, but for some reason mourning cards have fallen by the wayside. Mourning cards were handed out by the family to the community to let people know of the loss. Perhaps it's due to contemporary mode of communication - when someone passes away, word travels by phone or email (and even Facebook).

Victorian mourning cards were traditionally black, with gold or silver print. Their tone was somber and sentimental, typically decorated with birds, wheat (a symbol of resurrection), willow trees and often a cross. While these cards address all the pertinent symbolism, they sacrifice the specific spirit of the lost one. Here's the card for my my great-grandfather John Nor, who died at a young age during the 1918 Flu Epidemic:

That's why I love these vintage French mourning cards, sold by Cool Vintage. They are sweetly matter-of-fact, as if these were passports into another world:

Pool of Tears

2009-12-16T09:30:00.000-08:00

"'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears!'"

For those who grieve, the chapter "The Pool of Tears" from Alice in Wonderland expresses a familiar sentiment. It seems that we will never see our way past our tears, that we might indeed drown in our own grief. Despite her pool of tears, Alice finds her way back to shore. Alice becomes a symbol of hope when our sadness hits us like a tidal wave.

This Pool of Tears Charm Bracelet, created by Ghost Love Jewelry, is the perfect momento for those in the depths of grief. The bracelet features an image of our heroine Alice, two tear-shaped charms, and a heart-shaped lock and key. A lovely reminder to keep swimming.

Porcelain Wing Necklace

2009-12-14T11:51:00.000-08:00

Here's a lovely porcelain wing necklace by Monkeys Always Look. The delicate porcelain wing hangs on a 20" chain. I think this would be a lovely gift for someone who's grieving, or a delicate reminder that our lost loved one is always close to our hearts.

Mourning Portraits: New Orleans

2009-12-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

Hair has a long history in its association with mourning. It's the one part of the body that can be held onto after death. It's both physically intimate, yet as a small piece of that person, it also reminds us how they are truly gone. Hair is both sentimental yet haunting, enticing yet foreboding. The Victorians used the hair of the departed to create mourning jewelry, yet the hairwork is very stylized and loses its sense of physicality. It's almost disguised.

In the series Mourning Portrait sculptor Loren Schwerd has found a way to use human hair in a series of works that evoke the loss of home - in this case, homes in New Orleans that were destroyed in the flood. The use of human hair plays on the persistence yet fragility of these homes - still there, but barely. It's all that's left. In some cases the hair spills out of the frame, refusing to be either contained or forgotten.

Here is the artist's statement:

Mourning Portrait, is a series of memorials to the communities of New Orleans that were devastated by the flooding which followed Hurricane Katrina. These commemorative objects are made from human hair extensions of the type commonly used by African-American women that I found outside the St. Claude Beauty Supply. The portraits draw on the eighteenth and nineteenth-century tradition of hairwork, in which family members or artisans would fashion the hair of the deceased into intricate jewelry and other objects as symbols of death and rebirth. Working from my own photographs I weave the hair into portraits of the vacant houses of the Ninth Ward neighborhood. By documenting private homes, I venerate the city's losses, both individual and collective.

Remembrance Necklace

2009-11-17T11:35:00.000-08:00

This beautiful, three-piece silver necklace by Trudie Davies is one of my favorite pieces of Remembrance Jewelry. I love the way the rings stack upon one another to create a unified ring, but also open up to reveal three unique customized inscriptions. A name, a date, a heart ... almost says it all.

How To Think About Death

2009-11-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

Fingerless Gloves by Boysenberry Lane

We do everything we can to avoid thinking about the inevitable. But eventually Death grabs us all. Will it be a slap in the face? A caress? Or a polite handshake for a life well lived? I ponder these questions constantly, and wish that I could be in London this month to attend a course called "How To Think About Death", led by writer and philosopher Mark Vernon on October 19th.

Ironically, this course is being offered by The School of Life. The first class has already filled up, so I have the feeling this will be a very popular one, and perhaps offered again. Here's the course description:

'It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.' So opined Woody Allen, capturing something of our ambivalence about the one thing about which we can all be absolutely and irrefutably certain: we will die. On the one hand, it is almost commonplace to say that suffering is what we fear, not annihilation. But on the other, anyone who has experience the death of a loved one, or faced death themselves, will know that it is no trivial incident. If our inhibitions in discussing death and the lack of preparation with which most of us first experience grief are anything to go by, we could probably describe ours as a death-denying culture. In this short, sharp lesson about the inevitable we’ll consider what philosophers and theologians, film-makers and poets have usefully had to say about death, and ask if there is really such a thing as a good death and if so how we can prepare ourselves appropriately."

Forget Me Not

2009-11-05T10:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the best way to remember someone is through an object that's veiled, less literal. It's sort of like "undercover mourning." Having an item that's specifically made to help remember someone, while also being very pretty to look at, can help us avoid feeling like we are living in a shrine.

Miniature Rhino's precious needlework falls into this category. I love her work, in fact I bought a few of her constellation pieces last year. This unbleached muslim needlepoint, called Book of Hours, was part of an exhibit called Forget Me Not at Gallery Hanahou in New York City. Here's the description of the piece:

Inspired by the idea of a forget me not, a physical object that recalls a person, I made this detailed piece about remembrance. The imagery: diamond, bee, honeycomb, and knotted bow, directly relate to a quote from the book Metaphors of Memory: A history of ideas about the mind by D. Draaism. The quote below is typed on a crème paper and adhered to the reverse of the piece with photo corners....

"In books of hours miniaturists drew jewels, coins, flowers and beehives. Valuables collected like nectar from flowers to be stored in the honeycombs of our memory."
-D. Draaisma

All Souls Day

2009-11-02T12:30:00.000-08:00

My great-grandmother, mother and grandmother. I love you!

Today I will be honoring those I've lost, but feel are with me still.

For my mother, I'll be picking up a Princess Cake and See's Candies. I'm also going to the stationery store, one of her favorite places. I will also make a donation to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in her memory. For all of my ancestors, I'll be looking at pictures, remembering them, and imagining what they'd say if they were here with me. Unlike Dia de los Muertos, which is a communal celebration, this one will be private, just between me and my loved ones. I wish more cultures celebrated the departed the way Dia de los Muertos does - in my wildest dreams I'd be thrilled to see this happen one day. For now, it's me, my mothers and fathers, and a feast.

Prayer Shawls

2009-10-28T13:40:00.001-07:00

For me, the beauty of crafts is the sense that they are handmade. This may be self-evident, but when you think about how someone took the time to make something with their own hands - the care invested in the item makes it that much more meaningful.

Made With Love is an organization in Baton Rouge that takes this concept to its ultimate expression. They're a crafting ministry, creating lovely handmade items with prayers and love. Their Prayer Shawls are knit for those in need of love. Here's how it's described on their website:

The shawl itself is made of soft yarn (or fabric) so the recipient can wrap up in it and feel God’s arms around him or her. Many blessings are put into every shawl. The creator begins each one with prayers and blessings for the recipient, which are continued throughout the creation of the shawl. The blessing is rippled from person to person, with both the giver and receiver feeling the unconditional embrace of a sheltering, loving God.

Whether it's grieving a loved one or healing from an illness, these shawls will be knit with prayers for your healing. What a lovely concept! I don't know how many craft ministries there are, but I hope this idea catches on.

Modern Mourning Jewelry

2009-10-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

I find myself over and over returning to Victorian-inspired mourning jewelry. I'm not a goth or steampunk gal, it's just something about the somber mood of these pieces by Mata Hari Jewelry that I find enticing and appropriate.

I imagine this tiny heart and key charm as a piece that could given as a gift to comfort someone who's in mourning. Keep the heart, but place the key close to the one recently lost. If they are to be buried, then the key could be placed in their hand or in a pocket. If the loved one has been cremated, the key could be placed in the ashes. Someday the two will be reunited.

Remembrance Tree Papers

2009-10-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

Trees have always been connected to our sense of life as well as loss. For the Victorians, specific trees had specific messages, from the grief of the weeping willow to the weathered yet resilient oak. Throughout the generations and across cultures, the tree represents the wellspring of life.

That’s why Remembrance Tree Papers seems like such a timeless and inspired concept. This company creates hand-crafted memorial items out of 100% recycled paper – from Memorial Bookmarks, Guest Registers and Service Invitations. Preserving the life of trees while remembering the life we’ve lost.

My favorite item is the Thank You Card, which comes with embedded wildflower seeds. The card can be planted, bringing forth flowers, a simple reminder of the love and sympathy that sustains us. What a lovely idea!

When in mourning, it’s important to be reminded of regeneration. In this spirit, Remembrance Tree Papers (along with Trees for the Future) will plant a tree in honor of your loved one when you order their memorial stationery products. It’s a gesture that benefits the environment and future generations.

Tree of Life Pendant by Val Vanias Art

"In Memory" Necklaces

2009-10-25T15:14:00.000-07:00

Losing a child to miscarriage can be a tremendous loss. Yet I think that as a culture, we have not adequately grasped the language to express this kind of grief. Many people carry it as a secret anguish, which only heightens the heartache.

This "In Memory" Necklace created by Catherine Marissa is a touching way to acknowledge that loss of a baby. As the artist says, "When I miscarried my twins, I felt a need to have a special reminder of the little people I didn't have a chance to meet. I wanted something simple and personal that I could wear with anything. Thus, the "In Memory" pendant was created."

This pendant can also be personalized for a pet. A paw print or a heart can replace the central symbol. I think this is a charming way to signify remembrance.

Although these Itty Bitty Raincloud Studs (also by Catherine Marissa) aren't specific to grief, I think they are a charming reminder of the clouds of grief we sometimes face, and how "this too shall pass." A kind of contemporary version of the Half-Mourning Period in Victorian grieving rituals.

Time Passes Ring

2009-10-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

When we are grieving, time seems so unkind. It feels as if we will never move beyond, as if time has indeed stopped not just for those we've lost, but for ourselves as well. It's important to remember though that time does move, even if we can't comprehend it. Things will get better.

This "Time Passes" ring by Brighid's Forge is a gentle reminder that things will get better. It's a heavy ring, perhaps an appropriate piece to give to a father, brother, or any man who's lost someone - a more masculine version of mourning jewelry. This piece is sterling silver with oxidized letters, and you can request a custom size from the seller.

Sympathy Print

2009-10-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

I am quite fond of this Sympathy Print I'm So Sorry For Your Loss by Scottish artist Suzanne Wolcott. At 8" x 10", it's more than a card. The image conveys a sense of sorrow, avoiding those anxious words of encouragement when what we really need is to just be sad and grieve.

Honestly ...

2009-09-28T17:17:00.000-07:00

Here's a sympathy card that gets right to the point.

Many Tears Remembrance Necklace

2009-09-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Words are always so hard to find when we want to convey our sympathy. Here's a meaningful option - a customized, sterling silver Many Tears Remembrance Necklace by Munchkin Mama. Although there are many hand-stamped necklaces out there, this one is special because of the briolet beads, a "cluster of tears" that discreetly yet beautifully symbolize grief.

This necklace will last longer than a sympathy card, and at $20, it's also very reasonable. Instead of stumbling to find the right words, convey all of your love with this simple yet significant gesture. By the way, mention this blog to Munchkin Mama and receive and additional 10% off!

Remembrance Wreaths

2009-09-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

Wreaths and remembrance have a long history. From ancient Rome to Scandinavian traditions, wreaths made from hearty plants symbolize strength and perseverance. According to Wikipedia, wreaths made of pine, holly or yew convey immortality, while cedar sends a message of healing. In Northern European countries, wreaths made from firs represent remembrance of those who have passed.

And while laurel leaves and fir needles may fade and fall, the leaves from books will never leave a wreath. Simple Joys Paperie creates gorgeous paper wreaths, perhaps the perfect everlasting sentiment. These wreaths are elegantly constructed from antique book leaves. As these items are made to order, perhaps a favorite book could be repurposed as an elegant, custom order wreath.

Memory Blankets

2009-09-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated to remembering all of those who mean something to us. I hope to promote meaningful repurposing - taking items that have been outgrown, and creating something new that will help us remember.

I've previously posted on repurposing mens' shirts to become cute dresses for girls, redesigning heritage jewelry, and other projects that keep those cherished items in close reach. Petit Amour creates custom Memory Blankets out of baby clothing, a perfect solution to giving new life to those precious little jumpers, shirts and dresses that are so hard to give up. Just send the clothing to Petit Amour, and you'll receive in return a gorgeous memory blanket. I absolutely love this idea, and hope that it catches on!

Haute Hearse

2009-09-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

Wall Art Hearse by Pillbox Designs

The sudden sight of a hearse is enough to cast a shadow on even the brightest day. It's a motorized memento mori, interrupting our daily lives with a grim glimpse of our ultimate destination. Yet with so many people being cremated these days, the hearse is quickly becoming a relic.

Not to worry, here are some Etsy artists who are keeping the has-been hearse alive, at least in spirit.

Also from Pillbox Designs, here's a Landau "S" bar vinyl decal to for your car, or even your laptop.

Hearse necklace by Graphic Maniac

Notecards by The Rasilisk

Keepsake Pins

2009-09-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

With silver-toned frames, swarovski crystals and delicate ribbon, these keepsake pins by Galsfly2 are a sweet, contemporary interpretation of Victorian mourning jewelry.

Galsfly2 writes, "I wanted to take a small gift-token to a friend or loved one, and just couldn't find the appropriate gift, especially when they had a family member that had passed on and flowers didn't seem to be the right thing. I've even gave them to friends to wear on Mothers Day or Fathers day. A gentle reminder that they are missed."

Sympathy Wings

2009-09-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

This is a sympathy card with a sweet little souvenir.

Created by Art Mind, the written message is simply "With Sympathy" but the little handmade wooden wings, add an enduring message of hope that'll last long after the sympathy cards are stowed away.

Sympathy Prints & Cards

2009-09-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

I just love these sympathy prints and cards by Yardia, they feature quotes from my beloved Victorian heroines, models of stoic strength and perseverance despite hardships of the heart. This violet Charlotte Bronte sympathy card is one of my favorites.

I also love this sentimental, Victorian Valentine inspired Forget Me Not original drawing. I think the sentiment can be applied as a daily reminder for all those we love.

Dandelion Wishes

2009-09-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

This is a sweet alternative to the typical somber guest book found at many services. Dandelion Wishes, created by The Wedding Perch, each dandelion is an opportunity for guests to write something - a wish, a prayer, a memory.

I especially like the image of a dandelion - something scattered to the wind, yet lives on with the promise of a wish. Seems appropriate when we've lost someone.

On another note, many of the items I feature are originally created for weddings. Although this may appear contradictory, I believe a remembrance service should be parallel to a wedding - an opportunity to gather together and honor the love we hold for one another. It's a promise to cherish someone forever, a bonding that transcends death. I wish that funeral services were half as creative as weddings!

Flowers Become Beads

2009-09-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

What can you do with the flowers after a service? They typically overstay their welcome because we feel too guilty to throw them away. Here's a brilliant solution from JNJ Keepsakes - you can turn those flowers into jewelry!

JNJ takes custom orders, so just send the flowers and they will be returned as a necklace, earrings or bracelet. What a wonderful way to hold on those sentimental flowers! This would also make a thoughtful gift for a woman who's recently lost someone - ask for a few of the funeral flowers, and return them as a keepsake that will last forever.

Sympathy CDs

2009-09-01T14:52:00.000-07:00

Words are rarely enough to truly express sympathy, yet music has a way of going straight to the heart. One of the best ways to remember someone is through the music they loved. A CD complication with favorite songs makes a wonderful gift to pass on others at the service.

Megasmiles makes lovely customized CD holders, available in a variety of designs. These examples are for weddings, but the same concept can be easily applied to a memorial service. Wrapped in a ribbon, monogrammed with a playlist inside, these CD holders provide a precious packaging for precious memories.

Living Urns

2009-08-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about what to do with ashes, trying to think outside the urn. Currently I'm knitting a new urn cozy to replace an earlier version (I'm still low on the knitting learning curve.) What else can be done with them? How can ashes be used in a way that's beneficial?

For one thing, ashes are rich in phosphorous, which helps plants grow. So what about a Living Urn? A little terrarium globe like this one from Doodle Bird Designs could make a lovely and discreet home for a small amount of a loved one's ashes. I know this may be a little odd, but the idea grows on me (no pun intended!)

Civil War Era Mourning Quilt

2009-08-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

This is a beautiful example of a mourning quilt. The patches are mostly men's clothing, with what may be a Civil War uniform. The geometric simplicity of the pattern is masculine, yet there are sweet needlepoint embellishments scattered throughout.

Mourning (or memory) quilts from back in the day were part remembrance, part necessity - clothing material was scarcer than it is now, and so reuse was almost a given when someone passed away. There weren't exactly Salvation Armies to receive the clothes, and there weren't Gaps and Bed Bath & Beyonds to replenish our closets. Today, with a renewed interest in upcycling, memory quilts are both a way to remember our loved ones as well as find a meaningful reuse for their clothing.

Hourglass Urn

2009-07-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

Most urns are designed to disguise their contents. But what about not only revealing the ashes, but making them symbolic?

This hourglass urn by In The Light Urns makes "ashes to ashes" literal. It's a bit humorous, a bit memento mori, and completely appropriate. After all, we all run out of time sooner or later.

Votives

2009-07-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

Lighting a candle in remembrance of those we love is a familiar and comforting gesture. Yet we rarely give much thought to the candle itself. I love these votives by maryink because they are reusable. Any time you want to send your love, just light a candle!

Keepsake Necklaces

2009-07-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

Here are some lovely keepsake necklaces from Gems By Emily M. Their polished simplicity has a sweet, almost utilitarian sensibility. I think these provide a unique way to keep someone's memory quietly close.

Mourning Rings

2009-07-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

We wear rings to honor a marriage, but what happens when death ultimately makes us part? This beautiful solid gold Victorian mourning ring (1882) offered by Things Gone By, is a precious reminder that although a loved one may be gone, devotion remains.

Here's a contemporary ring that could also be worn as mourning jewelry. This locket ring by Good Girls Studio provides a little chamber to keep something precious close to us.

New Life for a Loved One's Sweater

2009-07-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

What can be done with clothing from another generation? We can wear it if we're into vintage. We can donate it, or we can store it in the back of the closet. Not the most creative options. This blog has been devoted to finding new lives for heritage items. And clothing has so many opportunities for reuse.

Making teddies out of inherited mink coats is a popular form of upcycling, yet we shouldn't forget about the more simple clothing items like sweaters. Pogo Shop creates cute little creatures out of old sweaters. Whether it's a knit from your grandpa or your own sweater that you'd like to pass on to your children in a way that they can keep forever, Pogo's bears are a wonderful way to keep heritage clothing close to the heart.

Memorializing Michael

2009-06-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

How will we remember Michael? What makeshift memorials will become his Graceland? I have the feeling his childhood home in Gary, Indiana will become the fans' final mecca. In the meantime, here are some items that are already appearing on Etsy:

RIP Michael Jackson Shirt by Queenkutie

Amigurumi Michael Jackson doll by amicafe

Michael Jackson Tote Bag by Bao Studio

Memory Quilts

2009-06-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

I love the look of this Rag Quilt by Wiccked.

Some quilts are impeccably designed and sewn, yet their preciousness means they're relegated to the wall - look but don't touch. For me, the perfect Memory Quilt (made from a loved ones' clothing) should be cozy, something you embrace, something to wrap yourself in. This rag quilt, with its simple square pattern and soft, rustic flannel materials, is a great example of what a Memory Quilt should be. Tactile, cozy, and friendly.

Bracelet Cards

2009-06-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

Here's a new one, cards with three lives! Created by Unusual Birthday Cards on Etsy, these handmade creations begin as a written sentiment - sympathy and well wishes. The leather band that holds the card together can then be worn as a bracelet, as modern mourning jewelry. And when the bracelet gives way, it can be used as a bookmark.

This is a great way to extend our sympathy beyond a card, which typically sits on a mantel for a few days ... a short (and literal) shelf life. I also like the fact that this sentiment has multiple incarnations, evolving in time, just like our memories. Great idea!

Fun Flower Arrangements

2009-06-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

After college I worked for a florist. Everyday we created arrangements for weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, and of course funerals. The funeral arrangements were the most somber (and the most expensive.) I think people were afraid that if they requested an arrangement with a sense of humor, it would seem disrespectful. So we ended up creating conservative and unremarkable floral sprays, one after another. Gladiolas, carnations, and mums that may as well have been plastic.

I hope that we can get past the fear of being "disrespectful" and find new ways that actually embrace our loved ones' fun side - through flowers.

Coffin Shelves

2009-06-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

The concept of a coffin seems so removed from our everyday lives. But what about a coffin design that allows us to enjoy it while we are still alive? As profiled in Inhabitat, designer William Warren's Shelves for Life begins its use as a lovely set of shelves, holding the objects we adore. When the time comes, this system can be transformed into a coffin, ultimately holding us.

The beauty of this concept coffin is the reuse of wood from life through death - no need to spend money and resources on a casket. For me, I love the idea of bringing something personal from our home to be part of our eternal home. I also think these shelves act as a subtle momento mori. Just like the precious objects we choose to put on these shelves, life itself is precious and should never be taken for granted.

Mourning Poems

2009-06-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

Poetry and grief have a long tradition. From the pre-Romantic "Graveyard Poets" to Yeats, Frost, and many others, poetry seems to articulate all facets of feelings that we often cannot find words to express. Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno's recent collection "Slamming Open the Door" is a raw and unflinchingly honest exploration of her grief after her daughter Leidy was murdered. Here's the poem that moved me the most:

What People Give You

Long-faced irises. Mums.
Pink roses and white roses
and giant sunflowers,
and hundreds of daisies.

Fruit baskets with muscular pears,
and water crackers and tiny jams
and the steady march of casseroles.
And money,
people give money these days.

Cards, of course:
the Madonna, wise
and sad just for you,
Chinese cherry blossoms,
sunsets and moonscapes,
and dragonflies for transcendence.

People stand by your sink
and offer up their pain:
Did you know I lost a baby once,
or My eldest son was killed,
or My mother died two months ago.

People are good.
They file into your cartoon house
until it bows at the seams;
they give you every
blessed
thing,
everything,
except your daughter back.

Here's the NPR interview with Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno.

Think Outside the Urn

2009-06-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

Why must urns be so serious?

According to Trendhunter, Dr. Fredric J. Baur worked for Proctor & Gamble for nearly 40 years, yet his crowning achievement was an iconic can - the famous Pringles cylindrical container. Before he died at the age of 89, he asked that his ashes be kept in one of these containers. What a fun way to spend eternity! I personally would go for a bag of Pepperidge Farm goldfish.

Embroidered Lace Butterfly

2009-05-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

In many cultures, butterflies are seen as embodiments of the soul. The butterfly's metamorphosis from an earthbound caterpillar to a winged creature symbolizes rebirth in its most joyful form.

This handmade embroidered lace butterfly pin or clip, from Sussies and Such at Etsy, could be a soothing "I'm thinking of you" gift for someone going through loss. It could also be used to embellish a flower arrangement, or worn on a lapel. A sweet spin on an otherwise somber event.

Bandage Rings

2009-05-18T17:05:00.000-07:00

I really love these Pflasterringe bandage rings by Kay Eppi Nokle. They're cast in various metals to look like band aids. Although they relate more to a broken nail than a broken heart, I think they say "I hurt" in a sweet and subtle way. Perhaps this is the new era of mourning jewelry!

Sympathy Blanket

2009-05-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

Blankets are the ultimate "comfort food". As children we cling to our security blankets, and when we're under the weather we wrap ourselves in their warm protection. I love warm fuzzy blankets, so perhaps this is why I find this item so touching - a sympathy blanket from Embroidery Outlet on Etsy. Embroidered on this cotton woven throw are the words "In this time of sorrow wrap yourself in love," along with the name of the loved one. The cost is only $40 and especially appropriate if you can't be there in person to offer a hug. It can be shipped directly to the mourner, wrapped with a ribbon and a personalized card. What a great alternative to flowers, which only last a few days. This blanket provides warmth, and lasts as long as it is needed.

When the grief passes, I think this blanket would be a meaningful way to wrap momentos and other keepsakes.

Memorial Candles

2009-05-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

I find remembrance candles comforting. They are something we should have on hand when we need the reassurance that our loved ones may be gone, but their warmth and love continues to shine on us.

Domestic Divas Fancy's candles are custom designed, and if you are struggling to find the right words, this seller offers a selection of heartfelt poems. Here's one option:

We thought of you with love today
But that is nothing new
We thought of you yesterday
And days before that too
We think of you in silence
We often speak you name{s}
Those we love dont go away
They're with us everyday
Unseen, Unheard, but always there
Although it seems unfair
Your memory is our keepsake
With which we'll never part
God has you in his keeping
You're forever in our hearts